Life Scam of the Decade
New life hack just dropped! Plump up your puckers, put on your finest feminine attire, and manifest a 6’5’’ blue-eyed provider man. For the modest price of selling your soul in the hopes of escaping the capitalist abyss we all reside in, you too can earn an allowance smaller than national minimum wage.
If you value yourself more, consider upgrading to an older man who comes with deeper pockets, a receding hairline, and a comfortably inflated silhouette signaling prosperity, who will ensure you dream of nothing more than chugging a bottle of tranquilizers with that Veuve Clicquot you saw all over your favorite femininity coach’s not-so-subtle IG stories. You won’t end up old and wrinkly like those women at Kolgman Stankley, grinding away at corporate jobs just to afford the same designer bags your man buys you out of guilt. You might lack savings, but who needs them when Chanel bags appreciate by 10% each year, making them a safe investment.
Of course, you can outsmart a man who has spent his entire career mastering the capitalist principle of always getting more than he gives. Sure, you're only 20, but you're not stupid. You wisely decided that you don’t need a degree, and that YouTuber was totally right when he said YOU hold all the power because you're young and hot.
Refining your skills, getting good at a craft, creating a network of skilled individuals around you is too masculine and hard. Creating solutions to real-world problems is easier for men, who conveniently control most of the world's wealth. How else could you possibly manage your daily spin class, weekly filler injections, and quarterly rejuvenation treatments to maintain that disturbingly adolescent-looking silhouette he loves so much?
Yes, you know he's cheating, but you conveniently turn a blind eye - one that sparkles when Bora Bora creeps into view through his private jet window. Just a quick stop in Neom, Saudi Arabia: "I'm making the world better one dystopian surveillance city at a time", he assures you. In the end, it will all be worth the effort, your best years spent simulating a slowly decaying mind will be rewarded with a generous divorce settlement. Unless his money is hidden away in the Cayman Islands, and those shell companies he has aren’t in fact about seafood delicacies.
After all, you’re the exception to the rule.
(Women before us didn't fight only for us to work but for our work to be compensated fairly. You don’t hate feminism, you hate being poor. Femininity coaches selling repackaged conservatism aren’t empowering you—they’re grooming you for dependency, ensuring your freedom remains forever dependent on men who hold all the power. True wellbeing doesn’t come from extensive procedures masked as self care, but from rejecting the illusion of being saved. Start exploring your true desires beyond materialism, and you'll achieve more than you ever imagined.)
